to a man i call dad

writing for you is never easy.

as i'm always afraid you would see through it.

(i feel all queasy

for you seem to have read every literary snippet)

you taught me how to find the world

sitting in a room full of books

to know the good ones from the crooks.

the late nights when i thought

that you just didnt care too much about us

you would have us caught

unaware(happily so) by creating one big fuss.

you taught us how to think

for ourselves and not be swayed by truthful lies

even when we're on life's brink

you always showed us how to hold on to our ties.

saving us from mom's anger

or let it be laughing at small little sisterly fights

you've been our emotional hanger

that let us leave sorrows and take fanciful flights.

it's never easy to convey

how much you mean to both of us

so we just simply say

(for lack of better words even being an english masters)

we love you very much.

thank you for being such a wonderful father.

Rain in the city

"Go to hell". The dead dial tone. The phone still warm in my hands, but my heart felt numbingly cold. Not the first time I have heard these words. "A loving relationship is based on emotional bond between the both", Mom used to say. I laugh. Its sound is similar to a throttling. I never noticed that laughs sounded so hollow, so made up, devoid of feelings--helpful though, fills up the void within and without. "I just want a little more time from you. We hardly talk. We are in different cities and the only way I can connect to you is through the phone". It feels chilly all of a sudden. A lightning crackled lighting up my limp features."I hate talking on the phone. I want to live my life in the present. Thats how I am. I am tired. I dont want to talk"."But...". The "hell" part seems to still ring around. Somewhere a drop of salty rain fell on the hard deadened ground. The rains have arrived in the city.

Rain in the city

"Go to hell". The dead dial tone. The phone still warm in my hands, but my heart felt numbingly cold. Not the first time I have heard these words. "A loving relationship is based on emotional bond between the both", Mom used to say. I laugh. Its sound is similar to a throttling. I never noticed that laughs sounded so hollow, so made up, devoid of feelings--helpful though, fills up the void within and without. "I just want a little more time from you. We hardly talk. We are in different cities and the only way I can connect to you is through the phone". It feels chilly all of a sudden. A lightning crackled lighting up my limp features."I hate talking on the phone. I want to live my life in the present. Thats how I am. I am tired. I dont want to talk"."But...". The "hell" part seems to still ring around. Somewhere a drop of salty rain fell on the hard deadened ground. The rains have arrived in the city.

Being special

i stood still as the words still reverberated through me."i know a lot of girls. they are not hormonal like you". a smile creeps in like the reddish cloud sneaking up on the expressionless night sky. the sides of the lips twitch and start moving away from each other . only just. one side went off too far. the ironic smile in the portrait is ready. "i was just trying to demand something from the relationship. trying to bring me into it. trying to find me in it. why cant i have outbursts". calm on the surface. the grin is growing hopeless now. kind of pointless now as some stray tear touches it and glides down. hot and salty. nothing sexual really. just plain saltwater. the phone is still warm in my hands. the saltwater finds its way down to the phone. i disappear. the drop still glistens on the shiny metal phone surface."special also means nothing".

a conversation

what's his religion?

asked mom. she was

always scared i'd

fall for a muslim.

what's his community?

asked someone else

and there i thought

what a pity!

oh god! what he is not bong?

its a heresy

we have reared you for so long

and always let you be free

for what?? to do this

trying to gnaw at your leash?

he is a good boy ma,

doesn't that matter?

he loves me and me him

y does that make you sadder?

no no it cant be done

good boys are everywhere

search within the community

you will find someone good and fair.

is this a bargain ma?

am i only a commodity?

cant i be trusted

to choose for myself?

you can.

but within the limits we define

never daring to cross the line

with the "good girl" sign

hanging from your neck.

in here we don't love and marry.

we compromise and be merry.