A Thank You

Sometimes i lie awake in the dark
Thinking of what my life has become--
A race without a meaning, a life without a spark.
Listless and angry, my senses benumb.
Then i look at you darling
Sleeping beside me, with your hand in mine
And i feel a smile creep up my face
That tell me i will be all fine.

Strife, anger, bereavement, rage
Time goes past me in a haze
More i try to get out of the cage
I fail,my frustrations ablaze.
Then i look at you darling
Standing beside me, mine hands in thine
I cannot express the feeling
That i sense with our souls entwined.

Life's a banter; in it i crib and nag
Hoping that in my cranker
I can stop this drama, nothing but a fag.
A drink here, a hangover there
Nobody is happy, everything seems unfair.
Then i look at you darling
You give me a gentle squeeze
Helping me get out the anger
Giving me a release.

Hail, summer, winter, torrid rain
Every season that torments me
Reminding me of what all i could gain
And everything that i have failed to be.
Then i look at you darling
Braving with me every storm
Taking in all the blows and sticks
Sheltering my soul to form.

Depressed and moping, i stay
Don't know what i've to fear
Doing everything to get on your nerves
Baffle you with my accusations
Making you feel guilty with my tears.
I know you can't take it anymore
Wait for you to quit and go
( Dare you to do it)
But you give me a tired smile and say "NO"
"NO" to giving up on me
Giving me another chance to be.

Don't know how you can still love
A lost cause that i am
Just want to let you know,'fore it's late
Thank you darling
For always being there for me.

Lost

Lost I am
Years of being with you
And suddenly
You no more.

Lost I am
In a sea of memories
No repose, no retreat
Groping at the past.

Lost I am
Where are the days
We shared together
The little talks,the big fights
Holding each other at night?

Lost i am
In a world
Which says, you are at a better place
What place??
Where I'm not there to share the space?

Lost I am
Without you
Each day a heavy weight
Living a curse of fate

Lost I am
You remember
The small little dates
Dates I've looked forward to everyday
Nothing but torture to me today.

Lost I am
You told me
To try to be happy
Happiness???
That doesn't exist anymore for me.

Lost I am
I listen to the radio
All Day, All Night
but my heart wanders
Music plays on, but I'm not there.

Can you come back?
Take me with you
Your wife
One who has forgotten what life is

The music goes on
The dance of life intact
Tears flow and cease
But I find no peace.

Life was you
Happiness was you
Now you gone
Nothing holds true.

Lost I am
Years of being with you
And suddenly
I'm no more, too..

(inspired by my aunt who loved my uncle more than anyone could love any man...take care of her uncle...she needs you)

A Girlfriend's Tale

They say women are from Venus,
Men are from Mars
No wonder me and my hubby Timus
Are always at WAR!
What I want he can never realise
However much I teach him, he remains unwise
All he understands is football and Chelsea
But talk of feelings, he will run and flee
I ask him a simple question"Do I look fat?"
He reacts as if he is a mouse whose seen a rat!
Whenever i talk of shopping and going to mall
He looks constipated as though he had a great fall.
Whenever i complain and angrily chide
He acts as though it is another of my PMS tide
He says he cant get it when i talk of dresses and shoes
All that makes sense to him then is a lot of booze
A night out with the guys is what he really wants
If I interfere in that, he just sulks and grunts
He rues:"what a bachelor life i had boy !"
But secretly loves showing me off, like a child showing his toy.
If i ask him one day " where is this relationship going?"
He gives me a frightened look, as though his soul i was mowing
He frets and wants pampering just like a five year old
But tell him this,he will act like your brain has got steamrolled
Such is the equation between me and my love
We are a pair belonging to mad hatter's club
You must be wondering what still keeps us on?
It's the smile he gives,the love he showers on
There are many things that make us both a bother
But those are the very things that keep us together
And every passing day makes our bond stronger.

Not Another Love Story...

Once in a land faraway,
There lived a sweet frail she-goat
She went by the name of Boobot.
Now Boobot was a very romantic girl
She wanted a life of romance, with all its frill and curl
So, she waited for her perfect he-goat
Someone who would keep her dreams afloat.
While all around other she-goats found their mates
Boobot with her expectations, all she did was
Wait and Wait and Wait !!

Then one fine day came the goat of her dreams
Her he-goat in shining armour, fulfilling her whims.
Both loved one another from the first look
Promising to be with each other through every corner and nook.
Dumbot was his name, and he loved Boobot a lot
Together they tied a beautiful love knot.

Both were very happy, but there came one problem
Boobot was very demonstrative in love, Dumbot was not the same!
Boobot wanted the love pledges and praises
But to Dumbot all these were confusing like mazes!!
He tried to make her see that he was not like that
But whatever he did, it just made her more mad.
She nagged, and cried and acted queer
But nothing could make the problem disappear.
Her nagging made him m0re and more sad
But he continued loving her and never got mad.

Then came a day when Dumbot couldn't take it anymore
He was tired, lonely,irritated and sore
He still loved her and she loved him
But the love no longer was the rosy little thing
It had gone bitter due to her big expectations
Nothing was left to this once beautiful relation.
Thus, they parted ways with heavy choked hearts
Wishing they could be together, but knowing that it was too hard.

Dumbot gone, Boobot roamed alone
Crying and wishing that she was never born!
The best thing she had, she had driven it away
"Please bring him back" was all that she could now pray.
But a treasure once lost cannot be found again
And thus, she carried this heartache like a bane.

Years passed while she stayed all solitary
Lonely at heart, all her emotions inside her buried.
She wept at her own stupidity and fanciful whims
Which had cursed her own happiness and her dreams!

Then a long time passed and Dumbot came back
He wanted to try and make things work
Boobot was overjoyed and couldn't believe her luck
She apologised and realized she had been a complete dumb duck
Dumbot smiled and hugged her tight
They made up and kissed all night.
They lived happily ever after..
But they had learnt an important lesson
And this is what they quoted to every other goat:
Love for love's sake and don't impose on your lover
Don't try and give him a complete make over.
Your dreams and your wishes are important
But also learn to compromise and to relent.
God gives you one chance in true love
Don't mess it up with your crazy nerve
'Coz once you lose it, you don't regain it back
All that is left to your life then, is bleakness and black.

And thus, ends the meeting story of Boobot and Dumbot
Another day i will tell you other anecdotes from their love-lore
Till then, let this small story teach us all
To love a person for what he is,
And not make a fuss to change,big or small..

Meet the IN-LAWS

me and my boyfriend have been dating for the last 2 years.ours have been a long distance relationship from the very beginning and our story of getting together has turned into stuffs of legend. we were friends for a long period of time before we decided 2 plunge into this pit.

being friends for so long, both our parents knew the other pretty well. but that didn't save them from the shock of finding out that their worst nightmare has come true.

one fine day when for a change my boyfriend[let me call him HE] was here his dad suddenly asked him for an interview with me. having met his parents earlier, i wasn't exactly expecting living dragons but i was nervous nevertheless. all through the week as the D-day approached i was being coached by my friends how to talk, how to act coy , how to impress the "supposed" in-laws and how to keep my mouth shut[as i have a history of talking too much...was in the debate club in school].

on the D-day, i was all nervous and shaky. came back from college early [after taking the blessings of my friends] and got ready the best way i could.dressed up as a "true blue Indian" nari. HE came to pick me up and i went in almost like a goat about to be butchered. i was getting all the feelings that i had read about that a person gets before facing a death sentence. my hands were all cold and i was pale. to my horror i also realised that HE has got an extreme case of cold and could hardly even say a word. there went my hope for support when i stammered or was being gruelled by the DAD!!!

we went to the cafe designated and then began the excruciating wait for the DAD.i kept glancing here and there as if expecting an attack from any side now....and then entered through the door the DAD...

for a moment i was paralysed and had an extreme urge to run out...dash out like the fastest woman on earth[for a moment i almost believed that i was India`s answer to the black athletes at the Olympics finally]. but such is my luck i couldn't do that.the effect of the paralysis was that i was left stranded in a weird posture where i looked completely constipated[so much for a dignified and stylish first impression].

the DAD came and sat down and tricked HE to move away from me so that DAD could sit beside me[i guess DAD believes in the saying "keep your friends close , enemies closer"].the close proximity with the supposed enemy and the loss of my only support made me absolutely sure of my own brutal ending. all that was left now was to wait for it to come to me.

the DAD kept smiling at me ....i thought i should return the favour and kept smiling at him.this kept on for a long time [it almost seemed like we both were competing with each other as to who can smile the most]...but soon both our cheek muscles gave in and we had to stop. i waited for the fusillade of questions ...more of blaming and counter blaming.[i have grown up on a staple diet of K-serials which my mother follows like a religion]

DAD began with "you are different from the 5'7" "referring to HE`s earlier crazy girlfriend but which i misinterpreted as "u r different from the 5 to 7 girls that i have met for HE". boy i was furious. i gave HE the dirtiest look i could give which he seemed to fail to understand. i replied back " yes.i am way more intelligent". now DAD also gave me a confused look. to break the confusion DAD asked " so what are u planning?" which he meant to be a nice question about my future plans in studies but i misconstrued it to be a direct question about marriage plans. i quickly clarified"we don't plan to do anything now.we are not fooling around about it but then we still have long time to think. i don't think i will go for anything till i am mature and at least 26. i think that's a good age ...don't you?"...by this time DAD was completely mystified and assured that i was a mental case. he just gave me a shaky laughter and said in a feeble tone"do your parents know that u plan to do absolutely nothing till u are 26?"
i laughed and said " ya ya. they are in fact relieved that i have taken this decision.they don't believe in doing this all too early. slow and steady.just enjoying the moment. HE also wishes to do that only.i mean whats the hurry?"
DAD looked choked and weird now. [i thought maybe it was the coffee..too hot i guess.] he said feebly"u don't want to do anything
,it is fine. but HE needs to take care of the business u know."
i got angry now."well if he considers this to be a business then i guess i have misunderstood him. emotions are involved here. u just cant plunge into it. u can maybe, but i cant. and i wont let him also. u cannot bully him into marrying just because you consider it to be a business!!".i was practically shouting now. HE was gesturing weirdly at me which i couldn't understood. looked more like monkey scratching to me.

DAD was furious also. "you don't want to have a career doesn't mean u corrupt my son too. don't u want to have a successful boyfriend??why should he wait for so long to do work???"

suddenly we both stopped. eyeing each other like the gunfighters of the Wild Wild West we aimed our best shot at each other. i was planning to throw the coffee on DAD`s shirt[huh! expensive branded material. i would have shown him].i could see he was eyeing my strawberry milkshake as his weapon.but i thought to myself"i am young and quick...even though the salwar and dupatta is making life Hell for me.. i will throw it and run...Olympics here i come!!]....everything seemed to have slowed down around us. in true filmy style we were ready....

......

suddenly a faint voice came up from the sidelines. we both turned...keeping one eye on the other of course.but HE couldn't speak. he went coughing. i thought i will take the advantage of the situation and took the coffee and used all my aim to throw it at DAD. it hit him square on the chest...so long for his 'dirt resistant' shirt. he was flabbergasted. he sat down slowly. i smiled in triumph. it was at this point that HE finally regained his speech power "u both are talking about different stuffs. no wonder u both cant understand each other."now it suddenly dawned on me that what HE was saying was actually right. from pink gleefulness i turned into bright red[the colour contrasted my purple salwar kameez].

i felt absolutely ashamed and tried to say sorry. DAD by this time was already exhausted. as i tried to explain he cut me short. "i don't want to know anything. what ever my son has chosen i leave it to him. i give my consent.you are wonderful .now just let me go...please......"

thus ended my " MEET THE IN-LAWS" episode.

DAD now seems to run away from me every time i visit his place....i don't wonder why....

Revelations of a new Bengali teacher

i was never really good in bengali. in spite of it being my mother tongue i was always a bit of a doufus in it...actually a lot doufus. so when i finally left bengali in class XII i was a truly happy woman. in college i barely passed through my compulsory bengali exams. i actually used to keep my frend near me in order that she may translate english words to bengali during my exams.
it is always a great feeling to earn ur own money. so once i hit college age, i also fell victim to this urge and took up the most common form of earning ,that is, through tuitions. i took up a girl of middle school and started teaching her english and science, my strongest subjects ,with a lot of gusto.
but as with all events of human life, good times never last long. my happy times of earning good dough soon came to a tragic and almost farcical end. my student had started doing well in her studies and i was one big headed proud teacher. as we all know with pride comes downfall...what in english honours we call hubris or tragic pride. well my hubris was that i started feeling invincible as a teacher and decided to take on Bengali...i.e.. teach my class VII student bengali. now as most of us know that Bengali isnt an easy subject to teach, more so by people like me. well but i was blinded by my over confidence so i went straight ahead into the quick sand. soon my student was given a project from school . it was to write an essay. i found this a great chance to silence my critics[my friends and mom who all have been subjected to my terrible bengali] about my talents in the subject. i took over the project and worked with all my might. the project was finally completed and duly submitted by my student.
now i waited with bated breath about the comments. i was sure it deserved an "A" at the least. a week passed and i started badgering the student about the paper. i became more of the eager student now than her .
finally after two painful, impregnated with suspense, weeks the paper was finally returned. i waited for it like i have never ever waited and felt for even my board exams.....
the teacher had loved the essay. it was nicely written. i was overjoyed . but then came the final pin prick to deflate and burst my happiness. at the end of the paper was written the comment...." in my years of teaching i have often seen students make their tuition teachers and parents do their homework. this is the first time i am seeing that the student has made her younger primary class sibling write it for her. leaving out the horrendous spellings and meaninglessness of the entire write-up, it was nonetheless cute and endearing to see a child write it for its elder sibling"
that day when her mom came to pick her up she gave me shifty looks as if i was a funny animal in the zoo.i am still waiting for the student to come back for the tuitions...

The tale of the Unfortunate Arty

The Tale of Unfortunate Arty
[Based on real life events]

once in a far away land called Xengaland was a king named Poachmarked Cranky-face Mathers[P.C. Mathers]. he was a cruel king who wouldnt let his subjects live in peace...the only aim in his life was to torment the hell out of his country citizens. he was helped in his endeavours by his general called Acne-faced Gorilla whom everyone knew as Gores and by an evil woman with no teeth and bad hair called Arachnida who was the invigilator of all the the evil deeds.the only good guy in Mathers' administration was a small man who really wanted to help out the people of the nation.his name was Floating hair Dertie.

among the many unfair practices of this land one was the Central Mass. every morning every citizen of the nation had to come together and listen to Mathers and Gores giving away boring lectures about their greatness.evil Arachnida used to take attendance for all those who were present in a dirty Big Red book and at the end of the year used to present this book to Gores who used to then call up the people whom he thought didnt have enough attendance in the masses and flogged them. he never listened to anyone's reasons

things were going on like this in Xengaland when one day there arrived a small red haired girl from a far away land. she was as innocent as a lamb and didnt know the ways and cruelties of the world. her name was Arty. she came to Xengaland to learn new trade. but the poor girl didnt know what horrors existed in this land.

on the very first day she came here she was taken to meet Mathers and she was told all about the Mass and was given a book which marked the epitome of Narcissism by Mathers. since then onwards she started living in Xengaland. she made some friends- Tripsy-turvy, Demonic-woman, Sweet-miss-nothing. everything was going on well for the time being. but then one fine morning disaster struck.

Arty was a very soft spoken girl. Her voice was soft and low. Now Arachnida was a completely deaf evil witch. when every morning she used to take the attendance at the Self-Congratulatory Mass of Mathers and Gores she invariably never heard Arty. as a result, Arty was always marked absent. on the day of the Annual Review of the Red Book, Mathers found out that Arty was absent for all the Masses. he was furious. he ordered his men to bring Arty to him and then send her to the Scary Prison of the Dead. Arty was dragged from her home. she kept telling everyone that she was innocent but no one dared to help her. evil Arachnida cackled with laughter at the sight of poor Arty. Arty was taken to Mathers. Arty implored to him that it was all a mistake. she was present at all the Masses. but Mathers and Gores didnt believe her. Dertie tried to help her out, but poor man, his little figure was pushed out of the room by the evil Arachnida. Arty`s friends came to help her out. Sweet-nothing and Tripsy tried their best to get Arty out of the Hell Chamber in the prison by testifying for her but it was of no help. Mathers and Arachnida only believed the Red book and the testimony of Devil-woman who had cackled with laughter when Arty was taken away and had celebrated the day .

months and months in the Hell Chamber took away the natural liveliness of Arty. she was reduced to a mere nothing. one day she died and no one even noticed. only her friends Tripsy and Sweet-nothing mourned her death. they were also ill-treated for trying to help Arty. as for Dertie he was sent on retirement to a home.

till date , the place where Arty was buried, there blooms a red flower and on the tombstone is written..."here lies one, true of soul but suppressed by evil establishment".

My Lord

I glide through the stormy night,
Not a soul nor body by my side.
All alone, my dress clinging to me
As the storm rages, the wind howling and caressing the trees.

The creatures of the dark , all awake!
Rising from nothingness,obliterating all that`s fake
Amidst these corpses of truth,stood I
Feeling them draw me, awed but not wishing to fie.

The hill top glows as if alive
The twinkling stars like eyes of fire
Crowning its glory and might,
Burning bright with its deep desire.

A loner in the crowd
That I am, felt an instinctive tie
With this raged nature, I felt akin
A sense of sublimity engulfed and satisfied
My broken desires, releasing me from my sins.

I understand now,
My rage and anger, humanity didn't feel how?
Because I am not humanity`s creation
Where day after day our murdered desires
Lead us to our roads to perdition.
Oh no! I am the child of Nature`s that lyre
Which piped its songs of love, fulfilment and care
And lighted a fire in my Soul which Society can`t ensnare.

Thus I bow to thee my Lord
Who is not present in human idol gods
But manifests himself in Nature`s beauty
That surrounds me now, enlivened in its fury.

I bow to thee my Lord, I bow to thee
For showing me the abode where souls roam free.

Silent Wish


The sky is silent tonight,
A daring red tinging its breast,
As I sit waiting for you darling
When the world has succumbed to rest.

I sit there under the dark palled sky
Looking with forlorn eyes,
At the road meandering through the plains,
All dusty and shivering like my deep sighs!

Why do I wait for thee like this?
Craving for your smooth touch
My lips and skin waiting for your kiss,
My love and lust equally strong as much..

Is my love born out of this lust?
Worshipping a body as flawed as i am
Or does this lust symbolise the culmination
Of a love so strong, that it induces perdition;
And in this ruin, lies my wrecked worldly soul
The death of which,marks the birth of "our" Whole.

So, i wait for you darling,
To come and seize me
To bind me while setting me free!
To calm the storm inside my heart and head
And blaze up our passions instead!
You and me caught up in a Togetherness,
Where our loving lust neither grows old
Nor dwindles and fades..

come to me dearest

come to me dearest
when the sun admits defeat at the end of the day
when life has lost its glory and zest,
and lost its hues to fade into grey.


come to me dearest
when the waning moon is lost behind a solitary cloud
when life ceases to be, and lies all in waste,
music dies...there is only noise and sound.


it is then that I will need you the most
to love me, when i can't be loved at least
to be my smile, when all i can spread is tear
to be my courage, when i am left with nothing but fear.

can you then see the spirit inside me?
when all the world sees a monster and flees
turn against the world, which you belong to
make it your enemy , only to be true to me?

can you give me the promise
of a love so strong?
that will love me with my vices
not in spite, free from all prejudices?

can you promise a love that wont fade and die
its beauty wont be marred by awful lies,
it wont fret neither will it chain
ceasing to be a ploy for expectations to be bargained?

come to me dearest
only when we can truly love one another
and not put a facade for the world to entertain.
when our conflicting souls turn to dust
from which our love will be born, freed of lust;
a love that not binds us two
but creates a you in me, a me in you.

Broken

Broken

I look out of the window into the dark night
Watching one solitary star, sparkling all bright
You know how much i love stars
They make me feel near to you in spite of being far
But tonight the lone star reminds me not of happy times
But of the loneliness that confines
Of the helplessness that i feel
Now that you have said goodbye..

I have always loved you with all my heart
but i guess it was never enough
you wanted a break, a space away from me
you never looked back to see what it made me feel.
all my life, what i have known love to be
i have always thought it to be you
every feeling, every sensation that was new
to me, it was just another part of you.
everyday i long to hear your voice on the phone
now all I get is the painful dial tone.

you believe the romance is gone
and am no longer the same
you believe the romance has gone away
it no longer has the rosy flush but has turned grey
just turn around and look at me
i'm stil the same, the same old 'Me'.

time has passed and become jaded
but my love hasn't faded
i still blush when i see you
get all fresh and new like morning dew
every time we fight, i still weep
yearn for a hug and kiss before going to sleep.

but all that is past now
i don't know when,where,how
it became from "we"
to just being being 'you' and 'me'
i still stare at the phone, hoping it would would ring
that you might miss me; realize i'm also part of your being
you made me whole, you completed me
now all that is left of me, is what i pretend to be...

i still dont know why i never enjoy holi...festival of colours they say...i feel as if it is a drastic effort on man`s part to infuse colours in his grey and black life...y cant we look at the colours that life bestows upon us? we always take them for granted and then one fine day when we try and notice them life would have already taken it away frm us...y do we feel that we have to wait till the last moment to face ourselves? y do we run away frm ourselves? y are we in the eternal quest " to strive , to seek , to find and not to yeild" that "something" or "somework" which we think will give us the secret of that eternal joy which all this time stays by our side neglected and mocked by our "grand ambition"? y r we running everyday from ourselves under the facade of earning to buy happiness? happiness is in the infant`s smile, in the littele dog`s devotion to u, in the trickling rains, in the smallest act of kindness, in the first flush of love, in the sun rays falling on the dews in a spring morning, in smiling at people....how many of us stop to see the beauty in a tree laden with yellow and purple flowers in the concrete jungles and feel amazed at god`s miracles...the colours are fading as we try frantically to hold on to them...thus we smear ourselves with artificial colours in our final bid to escape that monster we have become...

i look and try to hide
the mirror cracked from side to side...
out came me frm it
IS IT ME? no longer bound in the chains of my various facades
but dissolving into nothingness

in my bid to win the world
i won all
but lost my soul

and my soul looks into my eyes
and sighs
i am no more, all there remains is the creature
that i created
with all the right masks
but no smile on its lips
no light of life in its eyes
i fall upon the thorns of life
but i dont bleed anymore
from being a somebody
to a tiny speck in this world of nobodies....